All Teams
All Teams

Chris Archer has officially notified Orbit that their prank war will continue in perpetuity

main image

Over the past few years, Chris Archer has developed something of a beef with Astros mascot and aspiring Olympian Orbit. On its own, this is fairly unsurprising: Fuzzy and adorable as he is, Orbit does have a way of ... getting under the skin of a lot of big league stars. (Here's looking at you, J.P. Arencibia .)

But even by these lofty standards, the Archer-Orbit feud has run particularly deep. Maybe it has something to do with the time he likened the Rays ace to Jaden Smith. We just can't say for sure. 

What we do know, though, is that the two are most definitely not friends -- and with the Rays in Houston to take on the Astros on Monday, Archer decided to make it official:

Yes, Archer handed Orbit a Declaration of Unfriendliness before the game. It reads in full:

A STATE OF DISCORD has existed between Chris Archer of the Tampa Bay Rays and Orbit of the Houston Astros.

Whereas GENERAL MISCHIEF and RASCALITY have been among ORBIT'S repeated trespasses, CHRIS ARCHER is hereby resolved to carry on a campaign of PRANKS, GAGS AND HIGH JINKS (sic) in retaliation which include, but are not limited to, use of objects such as:

Water balloons
Whipped pies
Silly string
Small motorized vehicles
Bubble gum
Hand-crafted signage

And any of the considerable resources of a MAJOR LEAGUE clubhouse.

Orbit's response? He's laying low for the time being:

The Rays, meanwhile, made clear that they would stand by their pitcher:

On the one hand, we'd sure like to see these two get along. On the other: Get the popcorn ready.

This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Baseball or its clubs.

COMMENTS