Finding gifts for Mother's and Father's Day is tough -- what do you get the people that literally created you? A book? A gift certificate? Flowers or a new tie? If you're a baseball player, though, it's easy: Hit them a home run.
This year, nine large adult sons homered on both Mother's and Father's Day. But which player's performance earned the highly vaunted title of best son? (Shockingly, four players had multi-homer days. They were all on Mother's Day.)
We've listed them in order of total home run distance because -- duh -- massive dingers are the best, but we'll need your help to truly crown the best.
1. George Springer
Combined Mother's and Father's Day stats: 5-for-13, 3 HRs, 3 RBIs
Total Statcast HR Distance: 1,252 feet
X-Factor: Springer wasted no time in the second game of the Astros' Mother's Day doubleheader. He smashed a leadoff home run straight into Monument Park. The next inning? He went deep again, this time going to the opposite field.
2. Paul Goldschmidt
Combined stats: 4-for-10, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs
Total HR distance: 1,248 feet
X-Factor: On one of Goldschmidt's two home runs on Mother's Day, he nearly blasted the ball off his own face. I guess it's a way to make sure Mom didn't miss that it was a homer:
3. Pat Valaika
Combined stats: 3-for-5, 3 HRs, 5 RBIs
Total HR Distance: 1,207 feet
X-Factor: Perhaps the strangest member of this list as half of Valaika's career home runs have come on Mother's and Father's Day this year. Making it even stranger is, unlike the others on this list, Valaika didn't even start on Father's Day. Instead, the infielder hit a pinch-hit homer in the seventh inning to complete his parental present.
4. Yadier Molina
Combined stats: 3-for-8, 3 HRs, 4 RBIs
Total HR Distance: 1,195 feet
X-Factor: Though Molina homered twice on Mother's Day, it seems the Orioles and Cardinals decided to team up with a gift for dear old dad. During the Orioles' 8-5 win over the Cardinals, the clubs combined for a whopping eight home runs.
5. Manny Pina
Combined stats: 4-for-9, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs
Total HR Distance: 836 feet
X-Factor: Almost as unexpected as Valaika -- Pina also has just six career home runs -- the catcher's dingers were vital in two Brewers comeback victories. His explosive three-run home run in the eighth inning on Mother's Day gave the club an 11-9 victory over the Mets. And on Father's Day, Pina's go-ahead sixth-inning home run put the Brewers ahead and gave the team the only runs Jimmy Nelson needed in his first career complete game.
There's only one way to react after that:
6. Nolan Arenado
Combined stats: 6-for-9, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs
Total HR distance: 830 feet
X-Factor: Oh, no big deal -- just a walk-off home run on Father's Day to complete the cycle. But that's normal, right? Plus, Arenado and Valaika are the only teammates to pull off the Mother's/Father's Day HR feat this year.
Arenado also celebrated the victory with the kind of expression that you see more often in a post-apocalyptic action film, rather than a baseball game. It's beautiful.
7. Aaron Altherr
Combined stats: 4-for-11, 2 HRs, 2 RBIs
Total HR Distance: 817 feet
X-Factor: Though Altherr's full stats are dragged down thanks to an 0-for-4 in the second game of the Phillies' Mother's Day doubleheader, his 9th-inning home run in the early half helped the Phillies make a three-run comeback to defeat the Nats.
8. Matt Holliday
Combined stats: 3-for-13, 2 HRs, 6 RBIs
HR Distance: 789 feet
X-Factor: Holliday certainly lives up to his last name -- though he needed the second game of a Mother's Day doubleheader to go deep.
He's also highly aware of the present he gave to his parents.
Matt Holliday on his Mother's Day & Father's Day HRs: "I think it shows that I love my mom and dad more than anybody else in the league."- Alex Simon (@alexsimon99) June 18, 2017
9. Steven Souza
Combined stats: 3-for-9, 2 HRs, 7 RBIs
Total HR distance: 734 feet
X-Factor: Souza is the only player on this list to hit a grand slam when he cleared the bases in the Rays' 9-1 victory against the Tigers on Father's Day. Just like Holliday, he was also plenty aware of who his dingers were for. (Perhaps because he realized he had forgotten to send a card?)
Now that we've laid out the facts, it's time for you to answer: Who is baseball's best son?