Allegedly, there have been 23 perfect games in MLB history. However, we posit that until Saturday night's Mets-Padres game, there had been none. Because it turns out that the definition of a perfect game is one in which Bartolo Colon hits a home run:
When James Shields threw a fastball to Colon in the top of the second inning, he had no idea that history was about to be made. According to Statcast™, the two-run shot had an exit velocity of 97 mph and traveled 365 feet. It may have physically landed in the stands at Petco Park, but in our hearts it's flying forever, reminding us that every single dream we've ever had can come true.
It was also the very first home run of Bartolo's career. Just a reminder -- the man has been playing pro ball for 19 seasons and he's two weeks away from his 43rd birthday. The only MLB player older than him to hit a home run is Julio Franco (who went deep at the age of 48, coincidentally also as a Met).
More facts: Bartolo Colon is the oldest player in MLB history to hit his first career homer. He surpasses Randy Johnson, who was 40. #Mets- Anthony DiComo (@AnthonyDiComo) May 8, 2016
Now it's time for your Bartolo Colon home run FAQ. Feel free to reference this when you need to tell your friends, your future children and random strangers you meet in the grocery store about the most wonderful story in baseball history.
Who is Bartolo Colon?
A right-handed pitcher for the Mets and source of all joy in the universe.
How amazing was his home run?
So good that words haven't even been invented that can describe it.
How fast was his home run trot?
It clocked in at 30.5 seconds, which isn't even the slowest of the year. Tolo comes in fourth, trailing David Ortiz (32.4) and Victor Martinez (who is on the list twice, at 31.3 and 30.7). It still got his heart rate up, though:
How do you celebrate your first home run when you're 42 years old?
The same way you do if you're a rookie -- the silent treatment, followed by plenty of hugs:
This is a great start, but we're serious about making this day a national holiday. Next year, we're going to need some Bartolo fireworks, that can hopefully be going off while he accepts his Silver Slugger Award.