If horror movies have taught us anything, it's that every single object around us is probably a monster. Sure, you might think that's a normal, benign elevator, but you're wrong. This theory was proved 100 percent true on Tuesday night when the grounds crew in Pittsburgh discovered the true nature of the tarp they were trying to put down.
The sentient and presumably evil (but maybe just hungry?) piece of material tried to swallow at least one guy, but, as horror movies have also taught us, there's always a hero somewhere. In this case there were two -- Andrew McCutchen and Sean Rodriguez:
They rescued the groundskeeper from being devoured and rallied the entire team to help subdue the tarp, and even edged out the Padres, 3-2, once the rain delay was over.
Afterward, Cutch explained his good deed to MLB.com's Adam Berry. "Guys needed some help. We knew it was going to happen."
"They call me a jack-of-all-trades, right?" said Rodriguez.
Everything ended happily ever after. That is, until the sequel. Evil may sleep, but it's never truly defeated. Watch out. The Tarp Monster is coming for you:
Update: It appears the Pirates have crafted a tribute to their fallen comrade.
Hard to see from press box but grounds crew wrote RIP with body outline in dirt I honor of guy swallowed by tarp. pic.twitter.com/dze295iDQM- Rob Biertempfel (@BiertempfelTrib) July 8, 2015
And indeed, they have: