I know what you're thinking: "How dare you ruin the secret identity of one of America's greatest heroes." But I'm committed to the truth. And it's time that the truth was revealed.
So how do we know that A.J. Burnett, long-known for being a Batman superfan, is actually Batman? Here are our five points of evidence.
1. His love for one town: Pittsburgh
Burnett's agent, Darek Braunecker, on deal with #Pirates: "Not often a player has such an affinity for a team, teammates, city and fan base"- Ken Rosenthal (@Ken_Rosenthal) November 14, 2014
You know who else loves a particular city? That's right, Batman.
Plus, coincidentally, the documentary, The Dark Knight Rises, filmed some of its scenes in Pittsburgh:
2. Burnett turned down his $12.75 million option with the Phillies to accept $8.5 million with the Pirates
You know who also doesn't need to worry about money? Batman. Because he's like a gazillionaire.
3. A.J. Burnett's full name is Allan James Burnett. Which is an anagram for Batman nulls a jeer.
By returning to Pittsburgh, Burnett is pretty much making any jeers null and void.
Plus, why would Burnett go by his initials ... unless he had something to hide?
4. Burnett dresses up like Batman. That's pretty Batman-y, wouldn't you say?
5. Everyone already knows.
Tony Sanchez knows:
Kent Tekulve knows:
HE KNEW WE NEEDED BATMAN @wudeydo34- Kent Tekulve (@NotKentTekulve) November 14, 2014
Jordy Mercer knows:
Neil Walker knows:
@wudeydo34 Holy Santa Clause Batman is back!!!!- Neil Walker (@NeilWalker18) November 14, 2014
Burnett has pretty much even admitted it.
Man, he keeps his secret identity worse than that Clark Kent fellow with the dorky eyeglasses.